The Dude Abides

When I was younger, I wanted to be nouns. Doctor, lawyer, writer, librarian. I was sure that after enough searching, I would find the perfect noun to encompass the essence of Cassandra. Doctors are analytical and caring. Writers are artistic and aloof. Students are hard-working and single-minded.

Now that I'm a little older and wiser too, I've come to the realization I no longer desire to be a noun. I can think of no noun that would encompass everything I want to become. Now, I want to be adjectives. Caring, knowledgeable, friendly, ambitious. I'm sure now there is no perfect cookie cutter noun that can fit Cassandra. Perhaps I can build my own through my adjective endeavor.

Most of all, however, I want to be true. I want to be the kind of person that others can depend on to be there. I want to trust my own drive, integrity, and judgment. I want to never let a friend down. I want to be the example for my own family. In my experience, when times are harsh, and roads twisted; being true to yourself is the only thing that will pull you through. Your best friend's political opinions, your neighbor's fashion sense, your parents' outlook on education; none of these will get you through the tough times unless you truly know yourself. And when you do, others' differing opinions can be shrugged off. When you truly know yourself, there is an incredible serenity that follows; feeling that all will be okay, regardless.


I cannot profess to truly know myself, but I have glimpsed my own truth tonight, and it feels good.

Snow Math

I saw this mathematical equation while I was up skiing this weekend:

RU QTπ???
18

Basically, it was amazing.

The Munning

The air smells of cold and the sky is thick with a pre-dawn blackness. My shoes slip along the ice as pulled by the forward momentum of the canine. My feet, the only sounds on the street, make a crunching noise and fogs of breath cloud my vision. I am alone with my thoughts.

It was in this time, several days earlier, that I decided to conduct my experiment. Will my faltering relationships fail when I stop pouring so much of myself into them??? I am tired of investing valuable emotional resources into a failing relationship. I am tired of feeling unwanted and unloved by those people. I am tired of waiting and waiting for someone to grab my outstretched hand.

The sad thing is, I don't think this resolve has made any impact whatsoever. Oh well, at least I still have several relationships that are still worth my while.

Thick Spit

Bob has a terrible condition that mostly strikes him at night. It keeps him up tossing and turning which consequentially keeps me up. He claims that the only solution would be to get him a spittoon. Then he could wake up and spit out his "thick spit" and sleep through the night. Where do you buy a spittoon???

In other news, I'm extremely excited about 2008. I have great hopes and plans for this year.