Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I am a planner. I like looking at a difficult schedule and laying everything out in front of me. I loved signing up for classes in college each semester, watching how they played out on paper, and eventually appreciating how they played out in real life, especially for the two years when I was able to take a full day off every week for myself. I wish I had that kind of luxury now!

So imagine my chagrin when entropy has taken a firm hold on my life. I cannot plan for an unknowable future, I cannot schedule and file and it is driving me crazy. I have grown dissatisfied, waiting and wondering and being continually disappointed. I do well with the sprint, the short-term upsets, but the long unknown waiting period, I struggle with.

I am taken measures, though, to gain control of my chaotic existence. Perhaps it is a god-complex to think that by sheer will and effort of planning, I can mold my world to follow my preconceived notions of happiness and prosperity.

I feel, and I'm sure many others feel this way, that my place in the world is tenuous. Financial, emotional, political, and social instabilities run rampant. Let us all do our best to move forward, in hopes that in doing so, we can gain some sort of stasis.

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