Autumn is a Second Spring When Every Leaf is a Flower

Olivia is getting ready for the cooler weather by donning her favorite beanie!

I love the fall; it's the best season. Autumn smells of cinnamon and pumpkin and freshly sharpened pencils and crisp coolness. Autumn is full of incredible colors, greens and yellows and reds and oranges. Autumn is when the coolest people are born (e.g. Olivia, me).

This September just flew by, probably because of the whole having-a-newborn thing, and I feel like I need to really take advantage of the fall before it's gone in a flurry of snowflakes. It's Olivia's first Fall, and I feel like she needs to enjoy it, though I'm not sure how to facilitate that when she can't hold her head up on her own yet. Perhaps we'll go for a Fall drive next week.

I really want her to enjoy all of the things that I love. I read her books every day, hoping she'll pick up my love of reading. (Speaking of that, having a newborn is great for reading, I'm blowing through lots of books during feedings and late night rockings!) I play and sing for her music that I love. Under close supervision, we play with the dogs. We go on walks outside, drives to beautiful places, and she's even been on a couple of hikes. I hope that when she grows up, we'll be able to enjoy some amazing things together, while still allowing her to be her own person.

Well, I'm off for now, I guess I should go make an apple pie or something!

A Tender Look Which Becomes a Habit

Maggie and Olivia (and Butterfly Rattle) Wish You a Good Day.

Back in June, we got a phone call from our case worker. A prospective birth couple wanted to meet us, and we went to what I can only describe as the most intense job interview ever. We found out a few days later that they had chosen us, and that we were going to be parents to a (presumably) beautiful baby girl. Olivia's birth parents are great people that we loved getting to know.

I have a hard time describing our relationship to Olivia's birth parents, it seems so unique. We became acquainted in such an intensely personal way in a very brief time period. I think of them as closer than friends, more like family. And from the very beginning, for merely considering us as potential parents of the incredible baby they were placing for adoption, we loved them. Now that she is born, I can see we won't ever have the same sort of relationship, but I will cherish the memories that we have and I can't wait to tell Olivia one day about the beautiful path she took to us and the wonderful people that made it possible.

It's hard not to see the hand of God in a scenario like ours. Olivia is our baby, she is meant to be in our family. These truths have been testified to us over and over again in incredibly beautiful ways. We are so lucky. And Olivia is so lucky, she is loved by so many people!

Night Is a World Lit By Itself

I've been spending more time up in the middle of the night lately. I used to love that time when the world was sleeping and I was up reading or writing or taking melancholy self-portraits. Then I grew to loathe the hours after midnight and before the dawn, if I was up it meant sleep-deprivation the next day. The classes would be hard to sit through or I would need an extra jolt of caffeine to stay alert during the monotonous commute. I became a crepuscular being, enjoying the dusk and dawn the most. I loved driving eastward to work as the sun slowly creeped over the Wasatch range, violent colors of the day's birth streaking the sky.

Now I've come to love the middle of the night once more. I have nowhere to be at 7 am, I can nap if I want to. At first Olivia loved being awake then, staring and grasping. Now she just likes to chug her bottle in peace while I gently rock her and read. The wind often blows and I sit in comfortable silence and think about the turn my life has suddenly taken.

Olivia and I sent Bob back to work today, he was at the end of his paternity leave. It's just the four of us now, and everyone seems to be napping by me. I think they're on to something, the middle of the night is so much more interesting than the middle of the afternoon.

(By four of us I mean me, Olivia, and the dogs Maggie and Sammi.)

Announcement!

This weekend, a miracle occurred. Olivia Jocelyn Fawson was born, and a few days later she came to live with us. She came from a loving and beautiful pair of birth parents, and though her journey is irregular, we know that she was meant to be in our family.

I'm sure I'll have loads more to talk about in this vein, but for now I'm feeling a tad sleep deprived. So I bid you adieu, fair reader, with this brief but important announcement of the birth of a beautiful baby girl.