Ten Amazings That Occurred to Me This Holiday Season

1. As I was walking to work the other day, a man called out behind me, "Hey, you used to be a ballerina, didn't you?" As I turned, I spotted the smirk on his face, as if he knew some secret about me and was bursting to let me know. See, my hips are messed up in that they force my legs to point out unnaturally, giving my feet the look of a ballerina's; however, I do not dance. I lack the coordination and grace to sufficiently plier. But I let the man have his kicks. "I did used to be a ballerina," I responded in my best 'you've got me' tone. The man then surmised that I probably danced for a long time and he was willing to bet I really missed it. Why not? And for a brief moment, I was a ballerina, graceful and beautiful; as I walked away, there was a new lightness in my step...

2. We (Bob + Me + Bob's brother Carter) recently went skiing up at Brighton. I think I had more fun skiing that day then I have had skiing at any other time. It was incredible. Additionally, at the bottom of a mid-mountain life, there is a double-decker bus which is used as a snack bar. Amazing!

3. I received many lovelies for Christmas including, but not limited to: Nintendo DS & 4 games (Cooking Mama 2 = Amazing), incredible silver jewelry, lushy clothes, etc...

4. I learned what it would be like if my grandmother had gotten her wish and we all had been red-heads (including those without any hair at all).

5. I learned that a dog can chew through a Blackberry, effectively demolishing screen and speaker function, yet leaving the ability to announce an incoming email.

6. I, and many that I love, contracted death-like illnesses that last weeks and weeks.

7. I went snowshoeing and Sammi, determined to party like the rest of the lab mixes involved (3 of them), became covered in snow and consequentially became quite cold. She's not meant for the cold weather, and rolling around in the snow like that dominant fool she is certainly didn't help matters much.

8. Bob and I both came to terms with the fact that there are certain people that we just don't have time for any longer. Sometimes it's more work than it's worth to maintain certain friendships, especially when said 'friends' make absolutely no effort whatsoever to keep up.

9. I have some incredible friends, loving family members, and sweet neighbors. I was surprised at the generosity bestowed upon me this Christmas; and it warmed my heart.

10. I realized that I love the holiday season, and that I can't wait until next year when once again I will be able to turn on my Christmas music and trim a fresh tree.

The District of Columbia

Bob and I just returned from a brief trip to the District of Columbia, our nations capital. Bob had a job interview there, and I was just along for the ride. As we walked along the National Mall (Which is approximately a billion miles long; note to self -- next time bring a Segway...) I was hit with a string of Soffian memories of a time long ago. Bob (well-versed in US History, especially around revolutionary times) and I laughed about Old Hickory's policies and exchanged anecdotes about historical figures.

And as the shrouding fog cleared, we could see the National Christmas Tree in the distance, and I remembered that, despite it's many many flaws, I love my country.

Sighting of the Fantastical

Awaking from our tryptophan-induced comas on Saturday, Bob and I decided that some fresh air was in order, and we set out on a mountain bike ride up our Salt Lake canyon of choice. As we rode upwards, the crisp air cut like a knife through my jacket, and my ears ached in protest before succumbing to inevitable numbness.

As we rode along the ridge-line, I watched the last arc of the sun disappear behind the peaks and the trail headed downwards through a series of switchbacks. Around a sharp corner I turned, my back tire skidding a bit in protest, and I saw him. An elfish figure with pointy ears and crisp, white hair flitted in front of my eyes and was gone in an instant.

In the blink of an eye, the trees in front of me changed. No longer brown and dull, every last corner of bark sparkled like diamonds in sunlight with white frost. It seemed as if I was descending into a fog or a cloud; rather I was descending into a Winter Wonderland sans snow. And out of the corner of my eye, I was sure I could spot the elusive sprite.

I have witnessed a miracle. I have spotted Jack Frost.

giving thanks

100 Things I am thankful for:
(not everything I am thankful for, and in no particular order)

1. a wonderful husband
2. warm socks
3. two incredible dogs
4. midnight hikes
5. pumpkin roll
6. this american life
7. freeways
8. the internet
9. craigslist
10. the iphone
11. sisters
12. my mother-in-law
13. diet coke
14. chick-flicks
15. owning an expansive library
16. skiing
17. facebook
18. google (trends, reader, mail, scholar, etc...)
19. hot cocoa
20. double-sided tape
21. blogs
22. loving parents
23. snowstorms
24. airplanes
25. babies
26. old friends
27. cuddling
28. salmon
29. pilot extra fine (05) ink pens
30. traveling
31. pregnant women
32. nordstrom's
33. millcreek canyon
34. an interesting and rewarding job
35. playstation 3
36. the simpsons
37. jackets
38. ponytails
39. shirts with thumb-holes
40. polymerase chain reactions (pcr)
41. cnn
42. air conditioning
43. atms
44. morals
45. asparagus
46. sweaters
47. six-packs
48. chocolate
49. yoga
50. pomegranates
51. piano
52. a good book
53. expensive cheese
54. water slides
55. winks
56. indie music
57. mountain biking
58. holding hands
59. libertarianism
60. snowshoeing
61. watches
62. science
63. steak
64. sunsets
65. kleenex
66. blinds
67. wait, wait, don't tell me
68. television
69. sneezes
70. national public radio
71. live music
72. films with hugh grant
73. the holy ghost
74. mountains
75. theatre
76. wii
77. revolving doors
78. tennis
79. amusement parks
80. nintendo 64
81. artichoke dip
82. sewing
83. quicken
84. unexpected kisses
85. muffins
86. holding something you've made
87. apple products
88. tools
89. contacts
90. pies
91. poetry
92. the book of mormon
93. tomatoes
94. soccer
95. spices
96. guitars
97. caves
98. fancy vocabulary (e.g. zeitgeist)
99. spending holidays with family
100. potatoes

their eyes were watching God

How is it that we are able to tell when we are being watched? It makes no biological sense, that creepy feeling that someone is furtively observing us. How do we know?

And why is it so disturbing???

rLOVEolution

A friend of mine recently was pulled over by the cops, hand-cuffed and taken into custody, and made to spend the night in the drunk tank without every being told what she was being held for.

In the garish light of day, it was found that she had a warrant out for her arrest for a fix-it ticket that she had both paid for and had a police officer sign off that she had taken care of. All of this had been resolved over four months earlier. "Hardy-harr-harr! Our mistake, have a nice day!!!" There will be no repercussions for the police.

And another libertarian is born...

Ron Paul at his desk.

PCMC

Our team has created the first prototype of our instrument (and it's mostly working by some sort of divine intervention) and placed it at PCMC. (We sling this acronym around at work like a policeman slings his badge around on Law & Order type shows.)

Primary Children's Medical Center. I was so proud of this placement, they love having our machine at the microbiology lab there, it's much more effective and efficient than their current respiratory testing services. We were all feeling really great about this vainglorious day in our lives, or at least I was, until yesterday rolled around.

Yesterday, I walked in the overly-cheery revolving doorway at the children's hospital, and the truth and foolishness of my pride hit me straight in the gut. Children were pulled to and from hospital rooms in little red wagons rather than wheelchairs or gurneys; the walls were covered with pastel letters and thank you donations; a giant water-fountain up front had real moving parts and looked like something from Willy Wonka.... But none of that could shroud the fact that the building was full of children; sick and dying children. My heart caught in my throat as we walked up the staircase and looked at the list of departments. Does your child have cancer? Ear/nose/throat problems? Needs surgery?

I've never seen anything so horrifying and eye-opening.

Guy Fawkes

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder, treason, and plot,
I know of no reason
Why gunpowder treason,
Should ever be forgot.

I do appreciate Guy Fawkes day, a day full of fireworks and burnt effigies. I plan on celebrating it myself this evening. The British government, shaken from an attempt on Parliament, has used this story to inspire loyalty and patriotism through fire and explosions. Brilliant.


It is an important idea however, to recall those gigantic disasters that blow our own worlds apart and change our lives forever. Let us learn from our mistakes...

'till rot do us part

They looked like a snowglobe, dancing tightly together in perfect circles. We all stood around watching them in their married newness, pricetags still on their rings and cheeks aching from smiling too much.

"I would feel awkward dancing in front of everyone like this," I mutter under my breath to Bob.

"They're too in love to notice anyone else," he whispers back.

And on and on they spun, whispering and laughing, kissing and smiling till their faces hurt.

And all of us could only stare at them, wishing-longing-hoping-remembering a time they were also too in love to notice anyone else. Remembering their own snowglobe days.

(from my livejournal March 2007)

Nick the Name

My family drove down to visit me yesterday, and we entered in a lively discussion about the Nickname. For no apparent reason, my family is mildly obsessed with finding funny nicknames for people around them, and those nicknames tend to be derisive.

Nickname Highlight Role

Chet - Cheddar Cheese, Poogs, Uncle Chi-chi
Jocelyn - Jocie, Poobe, Jodger, Jiggy, Jibby
Dione - Didi, Geegs, Didi-bidi-bumba, Sweet Dee
Cassandra - Cass, Soggy, Cassi-andra
Mom - Ma-ster of the Universe, MA-MA, Cryp (from Cripple, I don't think I ever called her this to her face)
Dad - .... I can't remember ever having a nickname for my father. Such a tragedy since he's the King of making up nicknames. Any ideas???

Oh yeah, and FREE LEONARD PELTIER!!!!

Sammi

Are Bob and I fools? Yes, yes we are. But we are fools in love; more precisely, fools in love with making poor decisions that make the other person deliriously happy for a short time. In this category fall several cars, many computers, oodles of books/cds/electronics, a HD-television, and now dog #3, Sammi.

Sammi has the disposition of Maggie, but is full Weimeranar, and acts the part. I love her. Bob has regret.

Is this true love? Where is the point when you have sacrificed too much for the person who means the most to you? Lately, I've looked at a person close to me and the choices she has made for someone she cares a great deal about. I feel she is throwing away opportunities that will never be regained and perhaps even her own happiness for someone she... loves??? How much is too much?

Regardless, Sammi nee Sage nee Shoushouljdfd (???) is a sweetheart and I love her already so much. I hope she fits well into our growing family.

Cindy Crawford

Several people have informed me that I once again am embodying "SCIENCE" by appearing as the spokesperson thereof on the Utah State University's central website.

This time on further inspection, I realized that my moles have been airbrushed out of the photo seen above. I have been Photoshopped by some twenty-year-old publicity major at USU. I feel incredibly depressed by this.

Who do I complain to about my blemishes? What would Cindy Crawford do? (WWCCD)

Occam's Razor

Occam's Razor is defined as: All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the right one; according to the holy grail of all knowledge, Wikipedia.

Though a simple principle, this has become disconcerting to me as of late. I can't help but worry about the plain and simple truths staring me in the face. I simply don't want it to be true.


Additionally, I am very grateful for getting back in touch with dear old friends. What a surprise in my living room last night. I thought I would never see or talk to him again, but there we were, the five of us, as if no time had passed at all.

P.S. I took this picture at a park near my house. Impressive, n'est-ce pas?

Callie

Recently, I have been reading the ads on Craig's list for pets and today I found this ad:

To The Owner of Callie

I saw your beautiful golden retriever get hit by the car tonight. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know who you are. But I want you to know that I am so sorry. I am so sorry I was a passive observer as another man hit your beautiful dog. I can't get her shrill howl out of my mind. I can't get your pain out of my mind. How you kept stroking her and talking to her after she was already dead. 12 long years to have such a friend. How do you tell your wife? How do you tell your children? I am so sorry. You are in my prayers. Callie will be waiting for you in heaven.



I was incredibly touched to have stumbled across this raw bit of emotion and empathy.

Ira Glass

I love This American Life. I will often look around and compare my life and those things that are happening to me and relate them to stories that Ira Glass has told. I've been introduced to TV shows, books. music, stories, so many things because of this show. It makes my drive to work every day bearable and tedious work enjoyable.

I'm listening to one right now. Love, love, love.

maturity

I always thought that I would wake up one day, knowing that I had reached maturity. I would be ready for the family, the responsibility, the bills... But I have most of those things, and I still don't know when I'll hit the mature phase of my existence.

And yet I look at old friends, present friends, past associates; and I realize that I have matured greatly, and didn't really notice it. I no longer go in for the cruelty of yesteryear, what's the point. At times this makes me an outcast among those I love, to refuse to ridicule the innocent, the kind, the "weak."

What is the point of some of these things? After watching an hour of ANTM, I realize that it's only made me feel petty and unattractive. What IS the point?

So I suppose maturity for me means realizing how small and ridiculous large periods of my life as well as many of those that I know seem in the light of things that really matter. There really is something to being able to apologize, to accepting criticism, and to expressing emotions to those around you.

Maturity for me means being wrong, and not blaming those around me for it.

goodbyes

a plane takes off
a car drives away,
and we save our goodbyes
for another day.

the letter unsent
the call unmade
we'll never forget
the games we've played.

and now i'm gone
and wish i could say,
but indifference causes
the words to slip away.

truth

driving home from the grocery store with the windows down, the wind whispers her name
the crinkle of plastic as the bags attempt to escape from their guards of eggplant and mascara

come find me...

last minute turn onto the freeway, the child's carseat leans precariously, light without its cargo

her options are Cheyenne or Las Vegas
she chooses the latter and drives for ten minutes and then hops off the freeway as she came

she drives home with a smile on her face and a secret that will pull her through the diapersbottleshomeworklaundrydinnerdishes

she is there by choice

reality bites

I am entering the landed gentry in the next month or so. I suppose I should feel relieved that I now have the power to vote and such as well as amazing tax deductions. I can't help but feel, however, that I'm leaving and epic part of my life behind. Heretofore I've been free to declare bankruptcy without fear of losing really anything, so why should I break my back buying health insurance??? Now, I no longer have that luxury. *sigh*

Pics to come.

the upperclassman

he sits and stares at the new group of freshman,
each as fresh as they were the year before.
their hair as perfect as they are thin,
and he wonders why they aren't noticing him more;
he has the same generals and entrance level classes,
though this past year he's blemished again with glasses.

he goes through his usual routine,
asking out the youngest, prettiest girls;
he wonder's what they mean,
when they tell him he 'hurls.'
the slang is lost on his aging ears,
a thing he doesn't realize he fears.

for though the girls are as new as a daisy,
and he sits in the beginning classes as ever;
his skin is sagging and he's gotten lazy,
and the slightest chill can cause a fever.
for he's grown old without choosing from his dolls,
and now he's the sad old man, prowling campus halls.

--dedicated

Blogging

I have been blessed with several different blog forums and have decided to try the latest and greatest. Whenever I begin something new, I frequently have a bout of nostalgia. So to attempt to combat this, I include a few things written in previous blogs; enjoy.

I'm writing this letter from the corner of a house on the edge of a city in the attic of a country in the center of a world. I am here to represent myself, I have no grandiose dreams of engulfing the world in my aspirations and ideals, merely an inkling of what I am myself, and who knows where that will take me. It didn't take me to you.

Oh my heart aches tonight. Perhaps it's the cold, fighting its way in and settling where it will hurt the most. Perhaps it's the onset of winter, and what that entails. Or perhaps it's just that eternal loneliness that eats away at each one of us. I yearn for another soul. I yearn for love. Perhaps the snow has turned me melancholy. Perhaps my eyes have been covered by flakes.

Let's skip the formalities, I really don't have the time to waste on them. I will be your proctor, and this is your exam, you may begin at any time.
No. Breaks are not allowed, though you may use the phone from time to time. Oh, I must warn you however, it really only works one way. You can talk into it, but you won't hear anyone on the other side. Someone's listening though.
You can talk amongst yourselves, but ultimately, you're the one that has to decide who's right. I recommend trusting your gut. Or you closest friend. As soon as you finish, you may leave. Or, if I determine you are finished.
You've been preparing for this test for a long time now, you'll do fine. It's only a few hours.

There's just one more thing. I'm going to erase your memory.


NOW.

And so it passes, and so it ends. I find myself staring at my reflection, wondering who this new face is holding my gaze. How do people around me not notice? I feel different, like I'm a diamond who has recently been unearthed. Can't you see the beauty behind all the dirt? Don't you recognize my potential? How could you not...

Friday has a certain undescribable magnetism about it. A heavy cloud cover laid low over campus today, and whereas any other day you could see the gloom on the students' faces, today it looked as if campus was a beach and the sun was shining. Everyone smiles, for despite the Physics quiz lurking next week, there is the inpenetrable buffer of The Weekend... I'll deal with that after the weekend. Everyone is hopefully optimistic, and generally everything seems to go right. How could it not, it's Friday?! A cancelled quiz in Calculus, the candy machine gave me two packages of M&M's when I paid for one, I got 10/10 on my Chemistry quiz, there were free samples of Lime Diet Coke, etc... A guy sits next to me on the bus talking on his cell phone to his girlfriend, he's going to propose tonight. It's Poker Night, Date Night, Girl's Night Out, Movie Night... We're going dancing, to a concert, watching a movie, making out. It's Friday! And when this weekend is over, what will come of it? Next week will inevitably come. The weekend will seem like a waste, the kisses trite, the romanticism lost in the harsh reality of Monday's sun. The hang-overs will hurt, but not as much as the broken hearts. And next Friday morning we'll wake up, the past weekend forgotten in the monotony of the week, and our hearts will leap. It's Friday! I have no plans, nobody's asked me out, no one wants to hang out with me, but still! It's Friday!



That was a lovely jog down memory lane. Next time we start from scratch.