He/She

My boss recently found out that her long-time ex-boyfriend Kevin made the decision to undergo a sex-change operation and became Karen. We spent a long time pouring over pictures on Facebook, trying to determine what happened to his/her Adam's apple and where the boobs came from. It was incredible.

Ever since then, I can't help but wonder what I would do if that same thing were to happen to me. What if Carson became Carmen, Jer became Jen, Andy became Andrea (pronounced Ohn-drea, surely), and so on. I would surely question my sexuality; I don't necessarily fall for weight-lifting, truck-driving, rednecked 'macho' men; I like my men smart and funny (like Robert Matthew Fawson), though my husband is a superb handyman.

So ex-boyfriends beware: If you change into women on me, I'm going to go beat you up. (And scratching will count this time...)